Driven to Make Cancer History

Cara Chellew

Forget walking or running for the cure. Driving for Cancer is a great new way to relieve feelings of guilt that stem from living a comfortably meaningless middle to upper class lifestyle. All you have to do is join the hundreds of drivers that have already plastered the colourful ribbon awareness stickers on their back bumpers. “It changed my life,” claims Susie Spok. “It feels good every time I take my SUV out for a ride just knowing that everyone can become aware of cancer through my pink sticker.”

Another great way to feel like you are giving back to the community is to gamble for your own self-interest. Prizes for this year’s Drive for Cancer lottery includes many hybrid models for environmentally and health conscious families. Lovers of classic gas guzzlers need not worry. Every prize pack includes the choice of a hybrid or a traditional oil burning vehicle, including pick-up trucks, sport cars, and SUVs.

50% of the fundraising proceeds go towards research, treatment, and education. Marketing and advertising costs are covered by the rest of these profits. This win-win situation is great for the national economy because it is providing jobs for a few dozen people.

Although Drive for Cancer focuses on finding a cure, we do have some educational resources covering cancer prevention. Unfortunately, we cannot publicly disclose these ways to prevent cancer. This would present a conflict of interest with our sponsors in the automotive, petroleum, agricultural, pharmaceutical, and chemical industries. Please contact an individual representative for more information on cancer prevention.

So this year, support your community! Don’t walk. Don’t run. Drive for Cancer and give hope to the many of people who profit off your charity.

(Image of breast cancer from Wikimedia Foundation)

The Area Called Qi…

AJ Fletcher

Myramer was the king of an area called Qi. He wasn’t a good king but he also wasn’t a bad king. Regardless of the merit of his kingship, the people to Qi decided to create a government of their own. monarchy was no longer acceptable. The people not only decided to dethrone him, they had also decided to outlaw money. The king’s riches weren’t worth anything. Being an excessively proud man the king still wore his crown everywhere. Yet the king was just as poor or rich as everyone else. The people suddenly were very affluent without having a monetary system. They all worked together in the fields gathering, planting and harvesting. Everyone was well fed. After they finished working the fields, they often built things they needed.

One day some of the people came to the king’s palace. The palace was much larger than the king actually needed but as he had no other home, he had stayed.

He answered the door wearing the crown. The people asked if they could enter. The king let them enter. They said that they had been doing some research. A policy of resource management had decided that the energy needed to tear down the palace and build thirty-two homes out of it was less than the energy used to keep one person living in that house. The king had a fireplace in all thirty-two rooms. As he was in the habit of using all of those rooms in a single day, kept all of the fires burning constantly.

They also told the king that all of his gold and jewels were needed for scientific reasons. The king complained that they were taking away his home and his wealth. They told the king that he was free to live wherever he wanted and that the government would always feed him. His wealth was worth nothing, except in the study of metals and gemstones. They let the king keep his crown, but the rest of the gold became pieces of tools and musical instruments. A lot of the jewels ended up as gravel on a road.

The king decided to leave the palace and spent many days wandering through Qi. He was very hungry. He asked some people where he could buy some food. They laughed and told him that all of the food in Qi was free. They laughed because he was standing beside some people sitting at a table covered in food.

But, the king refused to take what he called “charity”. He kept wandering about hungry until he collapsed of hunger. The next day people found him dead. He was still wearing the crown.

No one had died since the new government was formed. They didn’t know what to do with the body. They didn’t want to bury or burn it because they didn’t want to waste land or other resources. The people fed the king to their dogs.

The dogs liked it. They now had a taste for human flesh. Within days, the dogs had killed off most of the humans. The dogs soon left Qi in search of other prey. Eventually, those particular dogs met their match with dog-eating goats.

The area called Qi is thus, no longer inhabited.

check out AJ’s blog As If This Means Anything…